Monday, May 30, 2005


* I watched a fair-haired child of about 5 years holding a pistol aimed at my face. I heard the shot. All went blank and I felt like someone had poured warm water on my face and upper body. This is the first time I've not awakened before the actual shooting. I've only had a few dreams about being (or anticipating being) shot. It wasn't so bad.

* I walked down the old street to Renata's house to visit. She mentioned it was her birthday. When I went back home, I decided to buy her a gift. She's a house-cleaning nut. I purchased one of those automatic vacume cleaners that runs around like a dog and even knows when to re-charge itself. I took it down to Renata's. She wasn't home, but her door was unlocked, so I went in and turned it on, then I left it running to surprise her. When I returned to her house later on, she seemed unimpressed with the gift. I haven't lived on the old street in almost five years. I just saw Renata the other day, though, while stopping by my ex-'s with our son to pick up a child support check. Yeah, he got to keep all the friends. He needs friends more than I do. Renata came out to the car to talk with me. She was nice, as usual. She wanted to see the baby, who was not with us, but home with his dad. I told her the baby would be three years old in a few days. Time flies. She really is a clean nut. You could probably safely eat off her floor. I prefer a clean house myself, but have no energy to clean it. I think my ex- sapped all my energy. I am just private (and distrusting) enough not to hire anyone else to clean for me. So we live with clutter and dust. The important areas are clean. If I were more of a gold-digger, I'd have more time and money. I may even be like some women who squeeze all the money they can out of their ex-s so they can drive SUV's, work part-time and shop a lot. I am not a gold-digger, and my conscience wouldn't let me do that. I'm still thinking that what is right will win. My ego is never satisfied. Beware the ego.


Blogger jobwich said...

Cool with the ego. It's the Id that I worry about.

6:01 PM  

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