Thursday, February 19, 2009

Old Dreams

Okay, I'll say straight up that I got nothing right now. I'm going back through the dream journal to post some entries, until I get the c.j.'s flowing again....

10/02/05 Dream...

"Dreamed this morning that I got fired. The dream was dark. T was trying to get me to do some reports for her & I was trying to get them done when L & some other woman came & started pulling things off the shelves & out of the drawers in my office. (This was not the same office I have at the bank - it wasn't even the same bank). When I asked them what they were doing, they just pretty much ignored me. Finally , L handed me a handful of small papers. On one of them (a small pink message slip) it said "Sam fired today" in handwriting I was not familiar with. Then, there was another piece of paper that had something about someone named V. Watson. I knew instantly that J had conspired against me, because his old assistant's name is A. Watson. L tried to give me some candles and I refused them. I walked down a hallway to M's old office - which was also once my old office - and opened the door. There was so much junk in there I could barely get it open. Then Alan Alda came in. I told him what had happened with the firing. He told me a story about his sons & their baseball game, and how their mother went and bought them outfits instead of being at the game. (In Mike's old office, there was some of my stuff. The blue lamp that used to be in Z's room & some baseball cards).

At some point in my dream - prior to the firing fiasco - I was floating above my house (which is not my current house). I kept on getting further & further away & would have to force myself closer. There were people in my driveway. One of them was a tall, dark-haired man with a dark trenchcoat on.

After the firing, I was standing in a garage-type area & T was leaving in a brand new sea-green vehicle. I told her I hoped she had a nice day, & she did her best to ignore me. She pulled into the driveway & got out of the car, leaving it running (L & someone else were in another car wating for her). She was looking around in a hedge beside the driveway for something. She had on a long shirt (I guess it was supposed to be a short dress) & her underwear was showing. She had on pantyhose, too & that almost made it worse.

Then, I was at home looking at my house - which was an old cinderblock house painted mint green. (Before T had asked me for reports, I'd been explaining to her why I had the house the color it was; I was telling her that in the fall, it would look beautiful in the foliage). I was trying to decide how I was going to sell the house."

I can only interpret this dream as a result of a turbulent time in my previous job. The bank I worked for had been recently bought out by a bigger bank, and things were changing rapidly, and for the worse. My then partner was almost criminally not doing his job, and I was in a position where I had to expose him to save business and clients. Not fun. Home life was suffering as a result, obviously, and I was slipping away from my family and a feeling of security. That tall dark guy in the trenchcoat was more than likely my dark side looming ever present to keep me "floating away." Why all the mint and sea green? I can assume this may have something to do with money and the prospect of losing it, along with my job, during the season. Why Alan Alda? Other than the fact that I have always admired him, I cannot answer this. Baseball? The only sport I have any interest in, really. Alan was probably trying to make me see what was really important, here; family and play. The candles I refused from L were red, the color of love. I was refusing a small bit of compassion she tried to offer me. The blue lamp - I was seeing (shedding light on) my sorrow. I didn't lose my job at the bank in waking life. I did quit it two years later, when I was told my position was moving to another city further away than I was willing to commute. I did put the family first, and have moved on to better things, employment-wise.


Blogger jobwich said...

Work anxiety dreams hurt. I find mine always hearkening back to the table-waiting days. In my dreams I just don't have the chops.

Used to have the floating-above the house dream often, in younger days. It never was a source of anxiety until I drifted into unfamiliar territory. I also used to have kite-like abilities, but would always bolt upright just before crashing to the ground.

When/how did baseball come into your life. It speaks to a particular kind of person. A person to look out for.

5:15 PM  
Blogger Bitter Bi+ch said...

I'd say baseball came in around 8th grade, when I became good friends with a school friend who played. Also, the neighbor coach. Then, I was just hooked into it. I was a "bat girl" for a summer, and enjoyed the guys' company. Always was a bit of a tomboy. Although, I am still not an avid follower, it is the one sport I tolerate well. There is a serenity to it, if that makes any sense.

8:40 PM  

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