Crabby Patties

I am happy to say that my life has taken a definite turn for the better. I am really beginning to appreciate "the little things" even more. Because, although they are little things, they're my little things, and they're things that I've really and truly got for myself. I didn't have to use anyone or anything else to get them. They are here and that is all there is to it. I can enjoy my three-year-old making crabby patties with pillows. I can enjoy hearing, "I want another hotdog, I want a piece of yellow cheese, I have to go pee pee, Can you help me with this, please?" I can enjoy hearing, "KITTY CAT!" in the mornings, "Do you need me to pick anything up?" in the evenings. I can enjoy a nice footrub with lotion most nights, and beautiful blue eyes staring at me. I can enjoy hugs from my ten-year-old, and the fact that he can fix his own breakfast and lunch and is always more than willing to fix any meal at all within his power for anyone who asks. I can enjoy hearing my kids tickling one another in the mornings. I can even enjoy them tattling on one another. This is my family, and they are flesh of my flesh. They aren't fancy, but they are damn good-looking and smart as hell. I can enjoy the fact that I don't have to buy boobs, thanks to the kids - not that I would. I can enjoy the fact that I wouldn't buy boobs, anyway. I can appreciate the fact that my face is starting to change from getting older - because I'm getting older. I'm not six feet under where I might have been given the things I've done. I can be thankful that I grew out of living a life that was not real or comfortable to me, because I thought I had to put on a show so people would like me. I feel so relieved that I don't feel like I have to weigh 100 lbs., when I weigh a lot less than a lot of women around me. I need to take advantage of the health I have and get more excersize, and I am thankful that I still have that opportunity. Most of all, I am happy that I've been true to myself at all times, and that those who really know me, know ME. Yes, life is good.

Autumn

Autumn, you take a piece of my spirit.
I feel you pulling it away
As each afternoon draws to twilight
And the sun completes the day.

Oh, sun in autumn,
You are a lover leaving
And breaking my heart.
You belabor my breathing.

The crimson fire the trees wear
Are but a taunting;
A promise broken when you disrobe,
Leaving me wanting.

Crisp winds clean the air
So I can see your blue sky.
But, alas, you chill me;
An embrace you deny.

Forgive me for loving you
For only what you give,
But when you come, I know
It's time to barely live.

I've wondered as seasons
Have come and gone
Why this sadness
Always comes on.

It is you, autumn, teaching me
To draw strength from within,
Not to fall prey to winter,
Not to give in.

How easy it would be
To sleep nights long and cold
And not to step outside in the day
Among your tree friends of old.

But, autumn, when your fire
Has lost all of its light
I see silhouettes of the trees
Against the pink twighlight.

It's worth the longing I feel
When you arrive,
To see the trees reaching,
So bare, but alive!

Some Definitions

WE ALL MAKE CHOICES; HERE ARE A FEW:

treachery - betrayal of trust, faith, or allegiance; perfidy, disloyalty, or treason

betrayal - the act of breaking faith with; failing to meet the hopes of; having lead astray; deceived

trust - a firm belief or confidence in the honesty, integrity, reliability, justice, etc. of another person or thing; faith; reliance

faith - unquestioning belief that does not require proof or evidence; complete trust, confidence or reliance

bad faith - insincerity; dishonesty; duplicity

allegiance - loyalty or devotion, as to a cause, person, etc.

perfidy - the deliberate breaking of faith; betrayal of trust; treachery

deception - something that deceives, as an illusion, or is meant to deceive, as a fraud or imposture

fraud - deceat; trickery; cheating; something said or done to deceive; trick; artifice; a person who deceives or is not what he/she pretends to be; impostor; cheat

mistrust - lack of trust or confidence; suspicion; doubt; to have no trust or confidence in (someone or something); doubt

lie - to make a statement that one knows is false, esp. with intent to deceive; to make such statements habitually

consequence - a result of an action, process, etc.; outcome; effect; a logical result or conclusion; inference; the relations of effect to cause

dispirit - to lower the spirits of; make sad, discouraged, or apathetic; depress; deject

vengeance - the return of an injury for an injury, in punishment or retribution; avenging of an injury or offense; revenge; the desire to make such a return

redeem - to make amends or atone for [to redeem a blunder]; to restore (oneself) to favor by making amends

humility - the state or quality of being humble; absense of pride or self-assertion

humiliate - to hurt the pride or dignity of by causing to be or seem foolish or contemptible; mortify

expose - to make (a crime, fraud, etc.) known; unmask

forgive - to give up resentment against or the desire to punish; stop being angry with; pardon

IT HAS BEEN SAID THAT THE CHOICES WE MAKE FOR OURSELVES WILL BE OUR UNDOING. IT IS THE UNSELFISH ACTS WE DO FOR OTHERS THAT BRING US CLOSER TO THE CREATIVE FORCES.

SO MOTE IT BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just Folks

Months ago, I dreamt that I was at Daisy and Onslo's house (from Keeping Up Appearances), and we were deep-frying doughnuts.

Van Houten

This morning's dream started at work. I had two customers (husband - dk. hair & wife - blonde) in my office opening accounts. They left, and somehow I heard of a rumor that Peter was embezzling from the company. I was angry and wanted to go drinking. I was with someone (my sister & Jen?), and we went to this bar and sucked down a couple beers real fast. The couple that had been in my office was there and they overheard me talking about the embezzlement. They were extremely upset. The bartender wouldn't serve us anymore, so we decided to go somewhere else. When we got to the next bar, they asked for our I.D.'s, and I couldn't find mine. I was so frustrated, because I had all this stuff in my wallet, yet no I.D. Finally, the girl who'd been driving us (I think she was a lesbian - she was very butch) told me to write down my date of birth on a piece of paper, then she finally let us have a couple of pitchers. We sucked those down, too. Then we went back to Diana & Jen's. They lived in an old house (not the current one) that they were re-doing. The living room area walls had been plastered (over panelling) and painted bright white. The pattern was very thick-textured. And there was a huge fireplace at one end of the room.

Next, I was in an ally facing a group of teenagers. There was one in particular that I was looking for, but he wasn't there. Then, I spotted him running down another ally and began to chase him. I finally cornered him in a public restroom. He was trying to hide in a stall by standing on the toilet. (The stalls were dark blue). I came up to him quickly, and he had a look of terror on his face. I put my face to his neck, but my fingers had touched it first and broke the skin. I put my mouth to the wound, but did not suck. His blood had already begun to coagulate and it was unpleasant. Instead of drinking, I just moved the blood over my tongue and lips and tasted the saltiness of it. I then realized I needed to infuse my blood with his and give it back to him somehow in order to transform him. I was unsure how to do this and started trying to push the blood into the wound on his neck with my tongue. I don't think it worked.

In the next scene I remember, I was searching out a wealthy family somewhere in (maybe) Romania (1400's?). There was a man who was head of the family, and I got the impression he was a very powerful vampire. This was the very reason I was seeking him out. I entered their home against the advice of a few of the family members. It was night, and I cautiously made my way down the hall. All of the bedrooms were empty. The last room belonged to the man I was looking for. I entered very quietly just inside the door, and saw the covers on his huge bed were pulled back and he was not in the room.

I went outside and was standing atop a hill watching a mob of people shuffling around at the bottom of the hill. There were only a few torches, so it was very dark, but I could see their shadowy figures quite clearly. All of the sudden, there came running from behind me to the left a large black wolf. It ran toward the crowd and the people began to scream and run. As the wolf got closer to the crowd, it changed into a woman (a member of the family I'd pursued) with long dark hair, dressed in a maroon dress with black velvet vest. When she reached the crowd, she simply blended in and ran with them. I could not tell her from the rest.

The Test

Last night, I dreamt I was part of one of two groups who were studying for a test. The test was actually a play/musical production that we were to perform, and our grade depended upon the quality of the performance. The first group passed. A girl from my workplace was in that group. Another woman from my workplace was the one making the rules, although she was not our director or coach. The dream took place in the dark on a downtown square. The feeling was sortof Christmas-like.

Dancing Dream

The other night I had a dream I was ballroom dancing with David Hasselhoff. He was a great dancer.